As my busy month of October comes to an end, I need to touch on a topic that is often hard for people to discuss, Domestic Violence. October is also Domestic Violence Awareness Month. I cannot end this month without touching on something that more people are or have fallen victim every day.
Most people do not recognize the signs of domestic abuse. Many times, it starts off subtle. First, the abuser will love bomb their victims. They will smother them with lots of attention, “love” and affection. In the beginning, the victims brain gets lots of surges of dopamine and they think this is really. They finally found someone who “loves” them. Then, the first time the victims does not answer the text, or phone call or responds when the abuser thinks they should, the subtle abuse starts. Most often, it is a guilt trip other times it is a threat of ending things, even others, it could be an explosive fight. Whatever it is, it is the start of controlling the victim. Many times, the victim justifies the actions of the abuser and blames themselves for the abuser’s response. The abuser also showers the victim with more “signs of love.”
The next thing that happens with so many victims is isolation. The abuser will subtly rope the victim off from their friends and family. They will claim it is because they want to spend all their time with the victim, but it is because they want to control the victim. The victim will stop going out with their friends because they are not allowed. They will stop going over to family member’s houses because the family will see what is happening and try to help, so the abuser will put a stop to that. Anything that the abuser can do to stop the victim from feeling like they have anyone to turn to besides the abuser.
For many victims, they give up their power. For the abusers, it is all about control. It is controlling others because they need to feel “powerful.” This can happen in workplaces, in families, but more commonly, it happens in relationships. The victim is not always a woman. Men are victims of domestic abuse as well.
If you have found yourself a victim of domestic abuse or think you might be in an unhealthy relationship, please reach out and get yourself some help. There are a lot of great resources locally in Grand Junction, CO and globally.
A person I have known and have partnered with on this blog is Miki Sturges. Miki is a Women’s Transformation Coach and Master certified Neuro-coach. She uses a combination of Biblical perspective and neuroscience-based brain reprogramming to help women who experienced trauma such as domestic abuse, betrayal and divorce to get out of the feeling of unworthiness, insecurities and hopelessness so that they can start living the life they love. She is a domestic abuse survivor herself. She thought the abuse was all her fault and kept trying to work things out to prove her “love” to her abusive (ex) husband. In the end, she decided to end the almost 13 years of marriage taking her then 3-year-old son. You can read her story here (https://mikisturges.com/blog/mystory) Fast forward to the present, she is now a certified master Neuro-coach helping women letting go of past hurts and beliefs that no longer serve them and live a life they deserve and desire. She is also partnered up with Abuse Recovery Ministry and Services (abuserecovery.org) and became a certified leader for Abuse Recovery Ministry “Her Journey” Program. Her Journey is a 15-week faith-based program that takes women through the journey of healing based on Psalm 23. It is designed to assist women in healing from current or past abusive or controlling relationships. Due to COVID restriction, she offers this program on zoom at this time.
For those who want to take their healing journey to the next level, she also offers “G.R.A.C.E Life Transformation Program” which is a 6-weeks program designed to help women rediscover who she is, her values & worth, how the brain is to blame for being stuck in a dark place, and how to reprogram the subconscious, and replace automatic negative thoughts with that of positive ones and setting life goals and action plans. Please visit mikisturges.com or contact Miki directly via mail: miki@mikisturges.com.
Please get the help you need today. You are not alone.
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